Dun Laoghaire Therapy Centre.com
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Anger Management

 

 


What is Anger?


We all know what anger is. We've all felt it:- from annoyance to fully-fledged rage.
Anger is a normal, usually healthy, human emotion. However when it gets out of control and becomes destructive, it can lead to problems. Problems at work. Problems in your personal relationships. And inevitably problems in the overall quality of your life.

It can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is to help you understand anger.

The Nature of Anger

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to fury and/or rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

What causes anger?

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person or event or your anger could be caused by worrying about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It inspires powerful, sometimes aggressive, feelings and behaviours, which enable us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger therefore is necessary to our survival.

Naturally, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are:- expressing, suppressing, and calming.

Expressing Anger

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not an aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn:-

How to make clear what your needs are.
How to get them met, without hurting others.

Being assertive doesn't mean being demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

 

Suppressing Anger

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

It can also can create other problems. For example:- It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour:- getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on or behaving in a way that always appears to be cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they are unlikely to have many successful relationships.

Calming Anger

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

According to some psychologists who specialize in anger management:- certain people really are more "hot-headed" than others are.  They get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does.

Some people don't show their anger in loud ways but they are extremely irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in their stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way?

A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be socio-cultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To "Let Rip"?

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a licence to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Points to Note:-

Some angry people use anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

Things will always happen that will cause you to anger - sometimes it will be justifiable anger.
You will at some point experience frustration, pain, loss, and unpredictable actions of others.
You can't change any of that but you can change the way you let such events affect you.

Do you need help Managing Your Anger?

Is your anger out of control?
Is it having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life?

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological responses that anger causes. You can't always get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that anger you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Where To Go

At Dun Laoghaire Therapy Centre we can work with you developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behaviour.

With effective psycho-theraputic intervention it is possible for an angry person to  learn to manage their anger effectively in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances, the techniques used and the active participation of the client. If you seek assistance before the higher range of anger is reached you too will achieve results in a matter of weeks.

You can't eliminate anger — it wouldn't be a good idea to do so. However controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you and those you work with and live with even more unhappy in the long run. Controlling your anger leads you closer to the life you want to live.

 

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